Doug's

2007-09-26T19:06:00.000-07:00

I miss you Granpa!!

2007-09-19T21:55:00.000-07:00

When God Made Peace Officers...anonymous...
When the Lord was creating peace officers, he was into his sixth day of overtime when an angel appeared and said, "You're doing a lot of fiddling around on this one."
And the Lord said, "Have you read the spec on this order?
A peace officer has to be able to run five miles through alleys in the dark, scale walls, enter homes the health inspector wouldn't touch, and not wrinkle his uniform."He has to be able to sit in an undercover car all day on a stakeout, cover a homicide scene that night, canvass the neighborhood for witnesses, and testify in court the next day."He has to be in top physical condition at all times, running on black coffee and half-eaten meals. And he has to have six pairs of hands."
The angel shook her head slowly and said, "Six pairs of hands... no way."
"It's not the hands that are causing me problems," said the Lord, "It's the three pairs of eyes an officer has to have."
"That's on the standard model?" asked the angel.
The Lord nodded. One pair that sees through a bulge in a pocket before he asks, "May I see what's in there, sir?" (When he already knows and wishes he'd taken that accounting job.) "Another pair here in the side of his head for his partners' safety. And another pair of eyes here in front that can look reassuringly at a bleeding victim and say, 'You'll be all right ma'am, when he knows it isn't so."
"Lord," said the angel, touching his sleeve, "rest and work on this tomorrow."
"I can't," said the Lord, "I already have a model that can talk a 250 pound drunk into a patrol car without incident and feed a family of five on a civil service paycheck.
"The angel circled the model of the peace officer very slowly, "Can it think?" she asked.
"You bet," said the Lord. "It can tell you the elements of a hundred crimes; recite Miranda warnings in its sleep; detain, investigate, search, and arrest a gang member on the street in less time than it takes five learned judges to debate the legality of the stop... and still it keeps its sense of humor. This officer also has phenomenal personal control. He can deal with crime scenes painted in hell, coax a confession from a child abuser, comfort a murder victim's family, and then read in the daily paper how law enforcement isn't sensitive to the rights of criminal suspects.
"Finally, the angel bent over and ran her finger across the cheek of the peace officer. "There's a leak," she pronounced. "I told you that you were trying to put too much into this model."
"That's not a leak," said the lord, "it's a tear."
"What's the tear for?" asked the angel."It's for bottled-up emotions, for fallen comrades, for commitment to that funny piece of cloth called the American flag, for justice."
"You're a genius," said the angel.The Lord looked somber. "I didn't put it there," he said.
__________________

2007-03-02T13:01:00.000-08:00

Ok, I know we are all sick of it by now. I do however have to pose a question. Why is it, Montel Willaims can find baby daddy in a one hour show, but we still have a list a four idiots that claim to be the dad of Anna Nicole's baby. I know it backward and Motel has five men claiming to NOT be baby daddy and these guys all want the money....er, I mean the baby. Is it really that hard. Tell who it is, bury her and shut up already. Done:)

What happens when you give spiders drugs? Funny Video

2007-01-13T18:09:00.001-08:00


Take a moment for a nature video:)

2006-12-11T08:20:00.000-08:00

The media in SD has a way of being blunt....

Fatso Robs Bank

12-09-2006 9:01 PM
(Pacific Beach, CA) -- A fat guy with a demand note robbed a Wells Fargo Bank inside a Ralph's Supermarket in the 4300 block of Mission Boulevard. Police say the suspect hit the bank about 10:20 a.m. yesterday morning and got away with an undisclosed amount of cash.

Copyright 2006 Metro Networks Communications Inc., A Westwood One Company

2006-12-10T08:04:00.000-08:00

I am having trouble finding something from my nights to write about. There are some interesting things in small calls, like the man who called and said that he was being held in a bedroom at some lady's house. Then the lady calls and says, no, no, you don't need to send anyone. The call center tells her that we are still coming because it was the guy who called for us. Then he called and said, no probs here guys. I wish we could have left it at that and said ok, your destiny is yours. Didn't happen. She opened the door wearing only a t-shirt. I will not be mean and describe her, but she was no playmate. The guy had left and we checked to be sure. We asked her why the problems and she said it was a misunderstanding during sex and he got "scared" and wanted to leave. She tried to keep him there and he called ME. Well not me personally, but might as well have been.

We never found the guy and figured he was ok. I checked the closets too to make sure she didn't have him diced up in there. People are strange!!

2006-11-11T21:31:00.000-08:00

South Park Cartman Cop

2006-11-03T02:15:00.000-08:00

I had a guy today who voted himself as the world's stupidest criminal.

When we have to write reports, we usually find a quiet and safe place within our service area that we can get out of quick to anything that may need us in a hurry. There aren't a whole lot of places that fit this criteria, so it is pretty easy to know our hiding spots. Ok then, we are parked in a lot that is bordered on three sides by walls and fences. This is the safety part. No one can sneak up on us from behind. Since it is a parking lot, it is well lit. Any idiot can pick up their head and see us sitting there, the only car in the lot. The one that most people can see coming from a mile away and has the christmas lights on top. So anyway, this guy turns the corner and faces directly at us about 40-50 ft away from us. He leans over and starts to light up his crack pipe. As he picks hid head up, pipe in hand, he sees us. As we catch up to him around the corner, he waits until we are about 30 feet from him before he throws his pipe to the side. I guess I can say he was at least smart enough to swallow the crack as we were talking to him. This is your brain on crack!!

2006-10-19T01:09:00.000-07:00

They told me that when I get to Central Devision, there are so many crooks that they would be jumping in to the back of my car. Today, that basically happenned. This dude was released from prison on Sunday. He was supposed to check in with his PO on Monday. He called me on Wednsday to say that he is wanted and I need to arrest him. It actually took some work to verify that he was wanted before I took him in. The poor guy was in prison for 7 years and came back to San Diego because that is what he knew. He could only live on the street for the past 4 days and he realized he could not make it on the outside. I think he violated on purpose to get back to the security of his prison cell. It's a wierd game prison plays with the mind.

2006-10-16T21:41:00.000-07:00

I am going to write what I feel is some funny and interesting things that I come across in my travels. Sometimes I say to myself that you can't make up some of the things people do in this world.

I have met the special agent in charge of protecting the president andhe also makes sure that the streets are safe for the police. Needless to say, I took him to see the nice people out County Mental Health. I have also met the devil. He was wearing a Gustapo SS hat with an iron cross on it and a long black leather trench coat. Um....and he was full blooded hispanic. He walked in to the police station and spat on the floor and called everyone in the office many different racial names. He also got a one way ticket to CMH for a mental health eval.

Just the other day, I had a call of an accident between a car and a bike. Another Officer said that he was on scene driving behind medics to the accident. I was almost off and stopping by to help out before i headed in. When I got to the scene there was a bunch of people pointing around the corner and no one was there yet from FD or PD. The other unit followed the wrong Fire Truck:) and they call me the rookie. Anyway, the guy on the bike was drunk out of his gord and never hit the car. He was rifding along with his head down (possibley near passing out) and looked up to see a car in his way. He freaked out and ate crap. He had blood dripping from his face and he was walking his bike halfway down the road from were he ate it. There was a crowd following him when I contacted him. He asked me what was wrong. I told him he was bleedin all over the sidewalk. He had no idea and already forgot about his intimate meet with the sidewalk. He was just minding his own biznis when a big red truck and four black and white cars ruined his day.

As I get some more cool stories I will post them for ya'll. I have the scanner link to the right on my blog if you want to listen to what goes on. And I promise, you can't make this stuff up.

2006-10-16T20:50:00.000-07:00

I am going to give this a shot and attemp to start a blog. Does this take away from my conservative rep?